37 weeks along.
i've always been interested in natural childbirth. with my first pregnancy i considered it a very real option until i arrived at the hospital, panicked and nervous, and the nurse said, "you're already dilated to a 5, do you want an epidural?" and i thought about the pain i was in, and how it was going to get so much worse, and i said, "YES! give it to me now!"i had an awful experience with that epidural and with that whole birth. so when i was pregnant the second time, i thought, "this time i'm going to do it naturally! la-de-dah! no way it could be worse than last time!" but then i was induced. and i had my water broken and then pitocin, and the contractions were like a wall of pain that i kept hitting relentlessly and intensely, without relief. they were so much worse than i remembered. i tried to listen to music. i tried to think of a happy place. and then i asked for an epidural again.
my second baby's birth was so much better. it went faster, it was easier, and the epidural actually worked. but i still felt like something was missing. i wanted to give birth naturally.
let me pause here to say that i don't know why i felt so strongly about this. i didn't know if i would ever get pregnant again, but i knew that if i did i wanted to really give a solid effort to natural childbirth. i didn't think and have never thought for one second that giving birth naturally is "better" or that women who do it are stronger than those who choose the epidural route. i just knew that, for me, i wanted to have that experience. i wanted to feel ALL the feelings of childbirth. i wanted to feel like i was somewhat in control of the situation, instead of just having things happen TO me. previously i had felt like the doctors and nurses had told me what to do, moved me into position, and kind of pulled the baby out of me.
this time i wanted to do it on my own as much as possible. i wanted to prove to myself that i was capable of something miraculous and difficult. i wanted to let my body dictate what happened instead of having the medical professionals (as wonderful as they are) tell me what to do and when to do it.
i found a great doctor, i talked to him about natural childbirth, he was supportive, and then i set to work researching natural childbirth methods. i knew that if i just went in like i had before, thinking, "i'm just not going to ask for an epidural" that i would give in way too easily. i knew i had to be really prepared this time. and then i found hypnobabies.
**part two coming soon!**
