Monday, May 26, 2008

my selfish little "i want i want i want" wish list

so i know it's selfish, but there are a few things that have been on my big purchase, wish-i-had-'em-list for a long time now (we're talking years in some cases). here's a look into my wanting:
a new bike with a retro vibe. my current bike could probably be considered retro since i got it for christmas when i was about 11. but there's something kind of wonky about one of the wheels, and let's face it, it just doesn't ride like it used to. plus, i'd love to take my kids on bike rides on something that looked like this.
a nikon d40. this one, i know, is a major not-necessity, and so expensive, but oh, how i want one! they take such beautiful pictures, and really, when you consider what i'm taking pictures of most of the time (my kiddies) then it's impossible to have too nice of a camera, right? i mean, right??
a piano. about this, i am not going to be picky. any old piano will do, as long as the keys are all there and it stays in tune relatively well. let me just say that i took piano lessons for years, maybe 8 years, of my adolescent life (and organ lessons for a summer.) without a piano to look at and pound on and practice "clair de lune" on, i must say, there's a bit of a hole in my heart.
aaahhh. a sewing machine. sometimes i wonder how much of this desire is based in fantasy and how much in reality. i do know how to sew, and i have all these fantasies of creating beautiful sundresses for m. out of awesome vintage fabrics. but in all truth, i wonder how much i'd really use it...i want to say "ALL THE TIME!" but this is one of those, wouldn't know until you try kind of things, i'm thinkin'.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

what my life looks like these days...

the never ending supply of dishes in the sink, the kids smiling, little c.'s and my foot while we were snuggling together on the couch...

Saturday, May 24, 2008

give a listen to...

Beirut 34.jpg, originally uploaded by kirstiecat.

they're a great, odd-sounding, different kind of band. perfect for when you feel weird and don't know why (a mood i've been in quite frequently lately.)

Friday, May 23, 2008

the good ol' days

the good ol' days, originally uploaded by jowrites365.

this is a pic of my parents (aren't they both gorgeous?) back in the day, before they were married, before they were even engaged i believe. i love old black and white photos, especially if they're of people i know.
having known them only all of my life and not all of theirs, it's difficult for me to imagine what was going through my parents' heads at this time, what they felt for each other, what was going on in their lives when someone held a camera up to them and snapped this moment in time... but i'm so very glad this moment was captured.
it makes me want to take more pictures, even of the moments that i feel aren't very noteworthy or maybe aren't even happy times... having records like this around 50+ years later is so worth it.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

flickr stuff

tea pause, originally uploaded by Camilla E.

sometimes i look at the gorgeous photos on flickr and i find myself wanting to live inside these peoples' houses, the day they captured, or, let's face it, sometimes i just plain want their lives.

the following posts are just a very few of my favorite images on flickr. please enjoy.

goodbye spring

goodbye spring, originally uploaded by mav | port2port.

i love this picture.

i wish i came up with the idea for this.

untitled, originally uploaded by Bird in the Hand.

but i didn't. it's a flickr image of a drawing by lisa congdon, a very talented self-taught artist.

walking in the sky, originally uploaded by Camilla E.

some more flickr-ing

happy sunny saturday

State Fair Chair Lifts, originally uploaded by Tubes..

it's funny that i love this picture so much because i'm actually scared to death of those chair rides, or sky rides, or whatever they're called. but it's just such a pretty image, no?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

mother's day cunundrum

i know today isn't mother's day yet, but i've been waxing thoughtful on subjects involving motherhood lately. one time i was rocking my toddler in the late hours of the night after he had woken up, and i was resting my cheek on his fuzzy little head, and i was thinking how i would just keep holding tight to him as long as he would let me. there's always a little cracking in my heart when he pulls away.

also my oldest, who is learning so much so quickly that it sometimes astounds me. whenever she guesses how to spell something, or knows what sound a letter makes, or wants to hug me an extra time, i'm just so grateful that i get to be her mom.

maybe you've sensed a big "BUT" coming, and there is one, although not in the way it might seem. what i'm trying to say is that this "but" doesn't cancel out AT ALL what i said before. i still love my kids, i'm still filled with awe by them, and i'm still grateful that i get to be their mom.

BUT sometimes i think about my other dreams, no matter how far-fetched they are: going back to school to get a masters' or phd, starting to run again, taking a photography class and being a really good photographer, teaching yoga (which is the most far-fetched of all right now, considering the shape i'm in)...really the list goes on and on. it involves traveling, dancing, drawing, and all kinds of other time-consuming and leaving-the-house measures.
i don't really have or make time for any of these dreams right now, and that is my own fault. sometimes it's difficult enough for me to get through the day with my kids fed, clothed, and somewhat happy.
right now as i try to grab a minute to myself to write this, c. is grabbing the keyboard and yelling at me for not letting him pound it.
how do i get back in the habit of chasing my dreams? how do i balance being a great mom and a well-rounded person who enjoys things other than children? i'm trying not to feel selfish for even asking these questions...