Wednesday, July 30, 2008
"can i pull that off?"
i think that many of us have a tendency to look at a cute trend, or a girl whose style we admire, and think, "i like that, but i don't think i could pull that off." and i've been wondering a lot about that lately.
are we denying ourselves the pleasure of participating in a trend (or maybe it's not a trend, but something outside the norm, something quite daring and different) because we're worried about what people would think? and what exactly is "pulling it off", anyway?
of course it's true that certain looks are not going to be flattering to every body, and i personally feel that skinny jeans are better left to skinnier girls than me. (even though i love them and think they are so cute.)
but what's the harm in wearing a funky hat, or shoes that are a little off the wall, or big dangly earrings?
i think i became especially sensitive about this after having babies and depression and weight gain and just not feeling like the same person. i started thinking, "i'm chubby now, and chubby girls can't pull of that hairstyle/that beret/that scarf."
does anyone else ever do this? do you ever put limits on the things you can wear because you think your face shape is wrong for it or your coloring or your body type?
just recently i was in urban outfitters. we were just looking for some funky accessories for our house. on my way to the register, i saw a table full of cute berets/tams (whatever you want to call them.) i've wanted one for quite some time now, but i found myself thinking, "i'm too chubby, i'll look funny in a hat like that." but this time i walked over to the hats and tried some on. and then i did the craziest thing, i bought one!
in the car on the way home i explained to my husband that i keep telling myself, i'll dress cute when i've lost the weight i need to lose. or i'll do that activity later, when i look different or when my depression has improved a bit... i keep putting these limitations on myself. so i told hubs, "i got the hat because i want to change that. because i don't want to put off doing the things i want to do and wearing what i want to wear."
and i wore the hat a couple of days ago to the grocery store with kids in tow.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
1. moleskine journals. i am presently using a small moleskine for to do lists, a medium sized moleskine for my journal, and a large soft-backed moleskine for a sketchbook. yes, i love moleskines.
2. vintage-feeling t's in gorgeous colors. love 'em, can't get enough of 'em.
3. agatha christie murder mysteries i don't know why really. i had never read any of her books until a week or so ago, and then i saw evil under the sun on a book list for the tv show lost, and sometimes i get into that show and trying to figure it out, so i read books that have been seen on the show (i know i'm weird) so i started and now i can't stop. they're easy to read, mysterious without being gruesome, and they're just fun.
4. cuff bracelets- i wish i owned this one, but it's quite out of my budget! but just looking at it makes me happy
5. my nikon d40
6. "lay and love" by bonnie "prince" billy- unfortunately i can't find a good link to this right now, but if you choose to watch the video on youtube, just listen to the song and ignore the video (while it could be construed as sweet, i'm not going to be promoting it here.)
7. speaking of quotation marks, check out this funny blog, the "blog" of "unnecessary" "quotation marks" i don't know if it makes me "happy" but it sure does make me "laugh"
8. slouchy berets
9. inspiring photography
10. magazines- current favorites: paste, domino, lucky, ready made
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
hi. this is me. and this is me telling the truth. by writing this post i am breaking at least two of the unofficial rules i've developed for myself since traveltwin and i started this blog. first rule: no pictures of myself (too embarrassing.) second rule: no talking about depressing stuff. you see, depression has become kind of a bad word in my family ever since i was diagnosed with it almost 5 years ago. so i guess this blog was a place to present my happy family: cute kids, cute husband, cute stuff that i see and like...but the truth is that i'm leaving a huge part of my life out.
a few posts back i wrote about how much is the right amount to share in blogland. i guess i was searching for boundaries and wondering if i should talk about my depression in a place which i've strived to make cheerful and happy. i wanted to have one place in my life where people didn't know me as "that depressed chick." or worry about me, or any of the stuff that comes along with depression.
here is the truth. i just want to get it off my chest.
my names is jo****. i've been married 6 years and a mom 5 of those. i've been depressed all of them (lucky husband, huh?) i've gained a lot of weight since i became depressed. i'm not going to say how much, because even in this spirit of truth-telling, it's just too embarrassing. hence, the no pictures of me on the blog rule.
dealing with depression for most of the past six years has led to some interesting challenges: i've lost the ability i used to have to be completely at ease with people and to make fast friends. depression has driven me inside, into the dark, of my own house and my own mind, where, a lot of times, i'm ashamed to say, i've missed out on things because the thought of going made me nervous, or because i didn't want people who knew me when i was healthy and fit and happy to see what i look like now (i know, vanity, vanity.) one of the main problems for me about dealing with depression while being a stay-at-home mom has been that simple things seem way too hard to accomplish. for instance: i lost my driver's license because when mine was set to expire, i just couldn't go in and take the test. it just seemed too hard. so instead i didn't drive for about two years of my life. last year was a big milestone for me because i bucked up and took the driving test (it had been so long since my license expired that i had to do the actual driving test, as in when someone evaluates your driving in your car.) and i got my license back. just being able to get out has helped my depression immensely. another for instance: i can't tell you how many days i would walk into the kitchen, see the sink overflowing with dishes and the counters full of stuff needing to be put away, and just thinking, "i can't do this. i just can't. it's just too hard." when i'm well i think, "i'll just do one load of dishes" or "i'll just put away a couple of things" but the depressed version of me can't fathom that. it is just all too overwhelming.
for a long time i thought, if i can just get back to the person i used to be before i was depressed, things would be so good! it's taken me years to realize that that person is gone, that i can't ever be her again. i can get better, i can even recover (hopefully) from depression someday, but i can never be the person i was before all this came into my life. all i can pray is that eventually it will make me an even stronger, better person than i ever was before.
thanks for reading my confession...i'm not giving up on the happy family/cute stuff blog, i just wanted to be able to talk about this too. and having you here means so much to me.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
i am head over heels in love with this screenprint from mister rob's etsy shop. his work is all amazing but this one touches a special chord with me. the text reads
"I can't forget and I never will you smiled at me and from nothing something came. Now the world is new to me again I will remember still you smiled at me & now I dream a dream of good."
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
my brand new nikon d40 was delivered today. i can't tell you how excited i was...tracking the package, making sure i was at home to get it, opening the door before the ups man even knocked (i think he was a little wierded out by that.)
recently my love of photography has grown until it became a near-obsession. and i've really wanted to do something to get back a bit of my creative self (i've let that whole side slip so much since becoming a mom).
so i got the camera, and here is one of my first shots...just experimenting, trying to figure the darn thing out! i'm sure that i'm going to be inundating this blog with pictures for the next little while, so bare with me.
and thanks for checking in here. it means a lot to me.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
getting ready for the party we put on some music, little c. climbed up on the table and started dancing with the pinata.
sweet m. and her friend whose birthday is july 6th as well, just a year later.
the pinata after it had been hacked to death. i didn't get to it soon enough, no pics before it got smacked.
m. chasing after some bubbles.
she had a lot of fun. this is what our doorway looked like this morning:
When you wake up sun will shine.
We will not go under any cloud.
Let balloons go up in town,
ring out every bell.
Happy birthday, beautiful,
all the birds of this day
sing a song, sing a song.
Dream of trains carrying you
through the state parks with the cherry flowers.
When you wake up it will be
the beginning of the world.
Happy birthday, beautiful,
in the fields of this day
hear a song, hear a song.
Oh, undeserved sweetness and light,
stay by my side.
We will go out in the morning now,
a crown of maple leaves, a crown of flowers
circling your sweet head.
Happy birthday, beautiful,
in the streets of this day
play a song, play a song.
-"happy birthday" by the innocence mission
here's some of the stuff i like:
zero 7's album "simple things" has some great, slow, electronica songs with a good vibe.
iron and wine's older stuff is all good "make-out music," but i especially like "our endless numbered days." songs like "love and some verses" and "fever dream" are so beautiful, slow, and perfect descriptions of that quiet simple love.
ok, so i've never seen the movie "the life aquatic with steve zissou" but that doesn't mean i can't appreciate the music. seu jorge, a great musician for brazil, covered a whole bunch of bowie songs as kind of a second soundtrack from the movie. they're all acoustic, slowed down, and all in portuguese. they're really great for any mellow evening, but i think jorge's voice is awfully sexy.
both of feist's full-lengths, "let it die" and "the reminder" have really sexy songs on them. i especially like "secret heart" on "let it die" and "the limit to your love" on "the reminder"
acoustic, soft cuban music. 'nuff said, right?
Thursday, July 03, 2008
one fourth, when i was a kid, we went over to uncle bill's house (family friend, not real uncle) and he was really excited about his newly-installed surround sound. we listened to the 1812 overture with all the lights off, just blasting. after a while i laid down on the floor and closed my eyes (no need, of course.) but i've loved that piece of music ever since.
remember that, traveltwin?
for me, the memories that really stick out about the fourth of july are quite typical: laying on big quilts and oohing and aahing over ever single firework, eating homemade air-popped popcorn (my family's specialty) while the light faded from the sky, and getting so excited for the fireworks to start, watching fireworks from a friend's swimming pool one year...
i remember the year that hubby and i had just gotten together officially. we had a long distance thing going at first and weren't around each other on the fourth. i remember watching the lights shatter in the sky and just aching, aching to be with him.
my dad got too close while he was lighting them one year and singed holes in his shirt.
this year, (like the last three, i believe) traveltwin has been in australia for the 4th. man i miss her while i'm watching fireworks.
i think she's having people over for s'mores.
what's more american than that?