my new life

stephanie nielson is my inspiration. i'm not going to pretend that my battle with depression is anything like the trials and struggles that she goes through, but i draw strength from her example just the same. my new life and my new world is one with depression in it. hers is one with scars and surgeries and things i can't even comprehend. if i can face up to my trials and endure them half as well as she as hers, i'll call it good. she's amazing.

'fessing up

first shot, originally uploaded by girlhula.

sorry for my long breaks and silences here. i have been going through quite the doldrums lately. i guess i didn't say anything to anyone or even admit it to myself because i kept hoping the next day would be better. but it hasn't yet.
i know it will eventually. in the meantime i'm reading a great book called "the mindful way through depression" that i hope will be very helpful.
thanks for reading this blog. i will be back soon...see you on the flip side.

this is my mom. these are her hands.

when i'm feeling down, stressed, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed, lonely, or negative, i call my mom.

she is a great lady, this mom of mine.

she tells me, "you can do this!" in a way that makes me believe it.

she says, "i'm so proud of you!"

when i'm feeling like i have such a long way to go, she says, "look how far you've come."

when i tell her that hubby and i are having an argument, she never picks sides.

i know she always has my back.

her prayers are something mighty to behold. they are a force to be reckoned with, and that makes her the most powerful woman i know. luckily she uses her powers for good.

she is cheerful. she is a dang hard worker. she is an amazing gardener and mind-blowing quilter. she makes the best bread and rolls (among other things)i've ever tasted. but the thing she is best at is mothering. in all senses of that word.

y'know how people always say that girls grow up to be just like their mothers?

i can only wish.

I LOVE SPRING!

i'm trying to remember if i said last september that autumn is my favorite season. did i say that? maybe i meant spring. i love spring. i love that i get to celebrate easter in the northern hemisphere this year, where things are actually coming back to life. it is full of a whole different kind of meaning. i love it. love the pastels everywhere, love the budding trees and the sprouting tulips and other such bulbly flowers. love it. so to celebrate spring, and also because i love making cupcakes lately, we made these.

we made them from scratch with a yellow cake recipe and tweaked it a bit. and we did cream cheese frosting. some of them overflowed a bit when baking, but they taste pretty darn good. another great part of spring--wilton easter sprinkles.
what easter crafts are you doing?

down with the shine

last night i was watching the avett brothers tiny desk concert at npr on youtube. they are amazing performers. the second song they did (which is so new it's not on any of their albums, DARN!) is called "down with the shine."

down with the shine, the perfect shine

that poisons the well and ruins my mind

i get took for a ride every time

down with the glistening shine.

can i just say wow. this song really struck me, i mean it flat-out banged me over the head. i LOVE those lyrics. how often do i get distracted and caught up with things because they're shiny? and anyway "the perfect shine" is just an allusion, right? that makes my own life look less wonderful in comparison and makes me want more than what i have. that is poisonous, indeed. isn't "the shine" what makes me think that if i only had this new thingy or if i was only like her, i'd be happy. it's not even usually a conscious thing, but still "i get took for a ride every time."

i love the idea of a revolution, and instead of people shouting, "down with the czar!" or "down with the government!" they'd say "down with the shine!"

if you want to watch it go here, "down with the shine" starts at 7:23. or watch the whole video, because it's all great!

most this amazing day

lately my husband has been like, "what's up with you never posting on your blog anymore?" and i'm like, "i dunno!" so this post is for you, honey.

today when i woke up i remembered that FANTASTIC MR. FOX (more about that later) came out on dvd today, and i was so excited that we went to the grocery store first thing. it was so foggy that it was quite hard to see; but when we came out, most of the fog had lifted.

it had already been a good morning: little c. was great in the store, (quite unusual,) we were both excited to watch fantastic mr. fox, a movie that my whole family has been dying to see since we saw the first trailer for it months and months ago ( i ♥ wes anderson very much,) and we were listening to a great song.

i started looking around my neighborhood, and it was beautiful. the frost had settled all over everything, making even the brown, reedy weeds look beautiful. and everywhere there was steam rising up from the ground, like in brigadoon when it disappears. all of a sudden this poem that i memorized in my first humanities class in college (the class that got me to fall in love with the humanities forever) sprang into my mind,

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

-e.e. cummings

it made me happy. i hope you had a happy day, too.

this too shall pass in the sun

there are two videos that have come out lately that i have watched repeatedly (mostly because the kids are like, "again! again!") one is ok go's new video for their song "this too shall pass." this video is definitely an amazing feat. it's shot in one long take and they had engineers from all over the country create this "machine" for them. i don't own any ok go albums, but they without a doubt make some awesome videos. this one is my very favorite.

the other one is she & him's video for their single, "in the sun." how adorable is this video? plus, i really want the dress that zooey deschanel is hula-hooping in at the end.

these two videos have got me thinking about other music videos that i've loved over the years and that my kids have loved watching as well. here's a list:

kings of convenience, "i'd rather dance with you"

the shins, "australia"

feist, "1,2,3,4"

fleet foxes, "white winter hymnal"

p.s. for some reason it seems to be cutting off the sides of the videos. if that happens just click on them again and it should take you to the original source.

time off

the husband and myself have both been feeling a little cabin fever lately. y'know, the winter seems like it has gone on forever, and we both felt like we were in a bit of a rut.

so we planned a short escape; a little road trip to visit my parents and nene. we were only gone two and a half days, but we packed in a lot of stuff. it was really fun for us and the kids. we got a "big boy" bed for little c., sweet m. got her hair cut, we went to a dinosaur museum/park, and we got to celebrate baby s.'s first birthday (even though her birthday is really today, happy birthday you cutie!)

anyway, here are some pictures of the weekend:

this one is so blurry but i love it because this is the way i see sweet m. looking at my mom most often. she loves her grandma so much.

getting in some snuggles with baby s. isn't she adorable?

swimming in the hotel pool.

the dinosaur park. the kids LOVED this.

little baby s. is not such a baby anymore! we had some cupcakes to celebrate her first birthday.

right before we left, my mom sat down with m. and listened to her read. they took turns reading and it was so fun to watch them. m.'s reading skills have improved a lot lately and i think everyone was impressed with her!

i love visiting my family. being around them automatically makes me feel more like myself and more happy. i feel so blessed to have them in my life.

i tip my hat to your quoting

since jo has been posting a lot of good quotes lately, i thought i'd try my hand at it.

Every single ancient wisdom and religion will tell you the same thing - don't live entirely for yourself, live for other people. Don't get stuck inside your own ego, because it will become a prison in no time flat. Barbara Ward

found via The Generous Wife daily emails

northern lights

every once in a while i see a movie or a photograph and i think, "i'd like to live inside that (movie/picture/video.)" i've been in love with this song since i heard it last year.

and now i'm in love with the video. i would like to live inside of it. the ripply lake water amidst foresty hills, tearing a thread off your shirt to tie around a bouquet of wild flowers, mossy trees and rocks, and a little cabin in the middle of it all complete with beat-up guitar and vintage piano. and the line, "and all i want is your eyes, in the morning as we wake for a short while."

bowerbirds, "northern lights"

Love-One-Another

Love-One-Another

I've been reminded a lot about love this weekend. In the temple on Friday night we had over 100 people from our ward turn out. The most amazing part was seeing the people walk in that we knew, hearing other people whisper, "oh, so and so is here!" and being so excited to see them. It was the most joy I've felt in a long time. As a really good friend in the ward said to me, it just felt like heaven.

Today in church our lesson was on President Uchtdorf's talk from General Conference on "The Love of God." I love that talk, it was good to study those questions . . . why should we love God? Why does God love us? And then I remember some of my favorite scriptures in 1 John:
7 Beloved, let us ^alove one another: for ^blove is of God; and every one that loveth is ^cborn of God, and knoweth God.

8 He that loveth not ^aknoweth not God; for God is love.

9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might ^alive through him.

10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he ^aloved us, and ^bsent his Son to be the ^cpropitiation for our sins.

11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

This week I'm working on feeling more of the love, for my kids, my hubby, my family, for neighbors and people I meet on the street. And I feel like as I try to be closer to God and what He wants me to do, love will result.

valentine's mix ♥

part of my valentine's gift to the hubs is usually a mix cd. the last time i made him one it was full of all of "our songs," you know, mush, mush, mush. these have a degree of mush but also there's some fun stuff thrown in there. and every one of them says something about the way i feel for him or the way i hope he feels about me.

1. told you so- the guggenheim grotto

2. first day of my life- bright eyes "this is the first day of my life, glad i didn't die before i met you. now i don't care i could go anywhere with you and i'd probably be happy...i'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery."

3. real love (beatles cover)- regina spektor

4. lay and love- bonnie "prince" billy

5. marry me- suburban kids with biblical names

6. the book of love- the magnetic fields "the book of love has music in it, in fact that's where music comes from. some of it is just transcendental, some of it is just really dumb. but i, i love it when you sing to me, and you, you can sing me anything."

7. your arms around me- jens lekman

8. only with you- the beach boys "love's so many things that i feel i have only felt with you, and then there are the things that we do, i have only done with you...i know one thing for sure i wanna do, i wanna spend this life with you, only with you."

9. this must be the place (naive melody)- talking heads "and you're standing here beside me, i love the passing of time. never for money, always for love, cover up and say goodnight..."

10. promises- badly drawn boy

11. dreams come true girl- cass mccombs "you're not my dream girl, you're not my reality girl, you're my dreams-come-true girl."

12. i found a reason(velvet underground cover)- cat power

13. if you let me be your anchor- dawes

14. here at the right time- josh ritter

what are some of your favorite love songs?

she & him: volume two

i really like she & him and their music. m. ward is an amazing guitarist and zooey deschanel, well, i kind of have a girl crush on her. i love her clothes, her hair, and i love her voice. basically, i want to be like her when i grow up. so i'm excited for their new album that comes out in march. you can see the track listings and hear the first single, "in the sun," here.

i mean, look at her. isn't she adorable?

cheap valentine's crafts and decorations

i la-la LOVE valentine's day. maybe it's because i love red so much, i don't know. i love the decorations, the treats, i love it all. i think my fondness also stems from the idea of giving heartfelt usually homemade gifts to each other.

this year i want valentine's day to be extra fun, but i don't want to spend a lot of money decorating and preparing for it. here are some of the decorations and treats and crafts we've done so far and more that we plan on trying later.

i got some cheap heart doilies at the grocery store and strung red and white baker's twine through the holes. just a few of them together created a cute little garland for the front window.

a fun thing to do with the kids is these crayon/wax paper hearts. ours didn't turn out as planned but we still love them. there's a great tutorial for this on martha stewart.

another cheap decoration i put up is a garland made out of simple white doilies. i just folded them in half with some glue around some pretty white and red ribbon.

i have tons of cute red and pink and white cupcake liners left over from sweet m.'s birthday party, and with those i'm planning on making these cupcakes, also seen on martha stewart.

some other treats we might try are these brownies and these jello treats, both from family fun magazine.

p.s. in looking these up, i've found so many other cute crafts and treats. i think i'll do another valentine's post tomorrow!

sprucing up project: update

so here are the changes that we've made to the dining area so far. the vibe i was going for was cheerful, vintage, and colorful. let me just say that i did go over budget a wee bit, but i made sure that there was room in other parts of the budget to make up for it.

here it is all together:

one of the details i really love: the curtain tiebacks that look like vintage painted glass doorknobs.

i took this one so you could see our little organization area over by the door. the red clock is metal and opens like a locker door. we put our keys and stuff in there. and the basket is for mail and bills that we need to deal with.

as you can see, the plate wall is still the same, although we have a few more plates to hang up;i'd also like to find some nice things to put on the sideboard.

this area is newly arranged although everything there is old. the "keep calm" poster we've had for a year or more, and i always knew i wanted it in this corner. i just wanted to have some other stuff to put with it. the painting to its left is something i love because it was done by my twin sister when she was very young, (how old, nene, 13 of 14?) and i like the cheerful colors it brings to the kitchen/dining area. the "w" is a few years old and i think i'm going to paint it differently, but i like it in this area of the room.

and guess who snuck behind the curtains while i was taking pictures?

so that's it for now! eventually i'd like to paint the whole dining/kitchen/living area, and maybe get some new chairs, but i must say i'm very happy with it in the meantime.

emma

it's such a happiness when good people get together--and they always do. -jane austen, from emma

on sunday, masterpiece classic is airing a new adaptation of emma by jane austen, with romola garai as emma, (she's gorgeous, right?) and johnny lee miller (of eli stone and mansfield park) as mr. knightley.

i think this might be my favorite romance in all of austen. and i think it's because emma and mr. knightley are such good friends first. the way they joke with each other and rib each other in a good-natured way, it rings so true for me. perhaps that is because my husband and i were good friends before we started dating and falling in love. it's a wonderful way to do things, i think.

anyway, watch it sunday night on pbs!

love at home

there is beauty all around when there's love at home.

there is joy in every sound when there's love at home.

peace and plenty here abide, smiling sweet on every side,

time doth softly sweetly glide, when there's love at home.

it's not always like this, but when it is, it's lovely.

fasting for haiti

photo credit: tequila minsky
yesterday in church we had a lesson about our heavenly families. we talked about how we are all children of God and how that affects how we view ourselves and how we go about our lives.

it made me think of all our brothers and sisters in haiti, and how insanely scary and sorrowful and desperate their lives must be right now. i am not so good at thinking of others before myself. i know it's human nature to focus on our own little families, our own little section of the world, and i am very good at human nature.

but if i were good at being like Jesus and filled with His love, i think i would be thinking far more about haiti than i am. i know it's a far away place that i've never been to, but that doesn't change the fact that we are all part of the same family, and that we are all children of Heavenly Parents who love us all.

i was reading about the conditions in haiti, and looking at pictures here. some of the pictures are extremely disturbing, but i thought, who i am to close my eyes and look away? for these people, this is their reality right now. they can't escape from it.

i'm not suggesting wallowing or anything of the sort. i was praying last night and the thing that kept coming into my head was fasting. i read somewhere that a lot of the people in the affected areas have not eaten for days. i think i can go without food for 24 hours and give the money that i would've spent to the red cross, or doctors without borders, or lds humanitarian services. maybe going without food for that long will help me in some small way to understand what the people of haiti are going through.

if you'd like to join me i'll be fasting tomorrow, tuesday, january 19th, one week after the earthquake hit.

p.s. i decided to do my fasting one day later just because i posted this so late. so anyway, wednesday. of course if you choose to you can fast whenever you want!

free dirty projectors music

if you want a couple of free dirty projectors' songs, go here and all you have to do is type in your email address. they send you a link, don't worry if it takes a while.

project 365:2010 update

so i've only been doing this 365 project for 10 days now, and i can already tell you; it's hard. i never plan out a shot for each day, i try to just see where each day carries me. but sometimes i admit i find myself scrambling to take a picture of something before the light gets too bad. which is not what it's supposed to be about. it's supposed to be inspiring me to look for beautiful things in my everyday life, not necessarily to go outside of my normal patterns to find something i think is photo-worthy. y'know?

one thing that i've noticed though is that it has helped me look at things with a more critical eye. and even though i've taken ten pictures, there was only one time i didn't cringe while uploading them to my flickr account, and that was with this picture. not because i think it's great, but because i know that when i took it i was feeling inspired, and not, "oh crap i've got to take a picture, quick!"

here's to more of the feeling inspired moments and less of the other kind.

and i hope all of your new year's goals and projects are going very, very well.