so many pictures of sweet m. lately, which is great. but i know you all are aching for a pic with little c. in it. so here you are:

this was taken while we waited on our front steps for sweet m. to come home on the school bus. i like this time of day because it's just me and little c., all fresh from his nap, ready to run around outside a little. good times.

memes. they're pretty fun.

One Word Meme: found this on meetmeatmikes from about a month ago.

1. Where is your cell phone? bag
2. Your significant other? downstairs
3. Your hair? blech
4. Your daughter? asleep
5. Your son? asleep
6. Your favorite thing? books
7. Your dream last night? unremarkable
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your goal? happiness
10. The room you’re in? messy
11. Your church? Jesus
12. Your fear? un-living
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? home
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? skinny
16. Muffins? cinnamon
17. One of your wish list items? bicycle
18. Where you grew up? colorado
19. The last thing you did? read
20. What are you wearing? grey
21. Your TV? lost
22. Your pets? none
23. Your computer? mac
24. Your life? happy
25. Your mood? varies
26. Missing someone? nene
27. Your car? minivan
28. Something you’re not wearing? socks
29. Favorite store? anthropologie
30. Your summer? allergies
31. Like(love) someone? lots
32. Your favorite color? red
33. Last time you laughed? tonight
34. Last time you cried? today
35. Who will repost this? unknown

nie

i don't know how many of you have heard about stephanie of the nie-nie dialogues and her tragedy. i didn't know what to say about it, but luckily frances has done a great post on it over at her blog. please check it out, and donate if you can.
thanks.
***update: bro jim has a wonderful post on this family as well.

monkey monkey underpants

to tell you the truth, jo, i've been kind of blue lately too. we must be twins or something. anyway, i thought i'd include a quote here from gilmore girls that really got me laughing last night. and it also kind of explains why i haven't been writing lately, in a weird way.



Lorelai: No, I'm not, because it turns out I can't write.
Rory: Oh, sure you can.
Lorelai: No, I can't. I stare at the blank page and I just keep staring and staring and eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs, otherwise they'll fall out of my head like raisins.
Rory: Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper, you have to have a writing implement of some kind.
Lorelai: I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write just sounds so schmucky.
Rory: I'm sure that's not true... Sounds like you're overthinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper --
Lorelai: I tried that. I thought, I'll just sit down and write whatever comes. No judgment, no inner critic -- boy, was that a bad idea.
Rory: Really? Why?
Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners'. 'The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.' Casablanca. Casablanca's such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants."
Rory: "Hockey puck rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants"?
Lorelai: Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So I think, well, I need inspiration.

sky blue sky

in sweet m.'s kinder class they are learning about colors. today's color is BLUE. the kids are encouraged to wear the color they are learning about, so m.'s outfit today was completely blue.
to go along with the blue, a picture of the sky a few evenings ago when we took a family walk.




i'm feeling rather blue today, myself.

sweet m.'s first day of kinder

oh, it was lovely. she looked so cute and of course, her style was all her own. i thought i would get emotional seeing her sit at her table in her new classroom, but i was too stressed out to get emotional. it was hard juggling her school supplies, holding little c., and sweet m. wanting to hold my hand! but it was great. we started a new journey today, and it's going to be great.

i helped sweet m. sharpen her pencils, and i thought the shavings were very beautiful.

some sharpened by her, some by me.

new and shiny backpack, pandapple, hanging out with maddie the matryoshka.

brand new school shoes. oh, i love these shoes. wish they made them in my size!

i had her stand by the door and pretend she was leaving. *sighs.

she got bored of waiting around and kept asking, "can we go to my school now?"



to deal with the boredom, she started playing around with my glasses.

the full outfit: i suggested the top (it's new) and cut her jeans into jean shorts for her. she insisted on socks pulled up, and her new ladybug shoes.

outside the brand new school. they just finished building it.

i was so glad she got to sit at the red table, red being her favorite color. i took this picture, then i picked up little c. and left her all on her own. she had a brilliant day.

my midnight confession (at 2:48 pm)

in lieu of d'arcy's post a while back full of confessions, i have decided to make one of my own.
i watch the hills. i know what you're thinking (at least i think i know): "dirt! trash! mind-numbing idiocies! demonstrative of why this country's going to h-e-double hockey sticks in a hand-basket, so to speak!"

and to you, i say, "i know, i know. but i can not help myself. i know it's stupid, vapid, and trashy. but i love it. i love those girls. i love how lauren keeps saying she wants to get away from all the drama after which she immediately embroils herself in more drama. i love how audrina constantly plays with her hair and constantly gives justin another chance while we yell at the t.v. "do NOT give that jerk another chance, you sweet girl!" i love how gorgeous whitney has a kind of valley-girl-ish accent, but is so sweet, so GORGEOUS, and so unbelievably willing to listen to all the ups-and-downs of lauren's life, that it kind of makes me want to talk like her by the end of every episode.

until i snap out of my hills' trance, get off the couch, and face the real world with people who don't have extensions, mani/pedis every week, and go out to the most exclusive clubs every night.
can someone please tell me why i'm so intrigued by these peoples' lives? i'm not at all interested in that kind of lifestyle. in fact i find it rather silly most of the time.
so i convince myself that it's an anthropological study, like watching a national geographic special. yea. that's what it is. that's why i love them thar' hills.

the truth, vol. 2: the pills that you take to stay happy

i'm the only 28 year old that i know of who has a pill organizer. (let me know if there are any others out there, we could form some kind of support group!) i was quite embarrassed just buying it, like a teenaged girl who has to buy a box of tampons on her own for the first time. but i thought it would make my life a little easier not to have to rack my brains thinking, "did i already take that pill today?" so into the shopping cart it went. and i felt like an eighty year old for a little while until i got over it.
the truth is that i've been on more medications than i can remember since i was diagnosed with depression. i guess i've been on it and off it for about 5 years now (probably mostly on.) i've taken prozac, zoloft, wellbutrin, cymbalta, effexor, wellbutrin xl, and a few more, including the one i'm on now. there have been times when i was so frustrated about side effects, figuring out dosage, doctor's bills and pharmacy receipts, repeating my medical history yet again to another new doctor who only might be able to help, worrying and praying over the safety of breastfeeding or being pregnant while being on meds; that i have given up. i've given up more than once. but i guess i didn't give up permanently because i'm still trudging on. i can say that while nothing has really helped me feel great, the stuff i'm on now has probably helped me the most, which i'm really grateful for.
even though i have bad days, (like today: i forgot to take a pill yesterday, and today has been quite bad,) and days when i feel like it's horrible that i have to rely on medication to make me feel almost normal, most of the time i'm just glad to have it. i can't imagine living in a time when they didn't have anything to help people like me and maybe some of them ended up getting locked away. (have you read "the yellow wallpaper" by charlotte perkins gilman? yikes.) there are so many things to be grateful for, and one of these days i'll get around to posting about the blessings of having depression. until then, you have some belle & sebastian lyrics to keep you company:
i said goodbye to someone that i love.
it's not just me, i tell you it's the both of us.
and it was hard, like coming off the pills that you take to stay happy.

trying to throw his arms around the world

trying to throw his arms around the world, originally uploaded by jowrites365.

sweet m. lost a tooth

no. literally. she lost it. yesterday after some unexplained accident involving a toy whistle in her mouth, her little brother, and a door or a bed, (it was hard to get information from her while she was wailing and blood was running out of her mouth,) two of her teeth seemed really loose. when she woke up this morning, one of them was gone, just gone! we looked all over her bed for it, and we still haven't found it.
we told her not to worry, the tooth fairy will still come.
what's the going rate for a tooth these days?

miss you

when i woke up...

this morning i felt like this:

but after some cleaning and some fun with the kiddos, i felt a lot better.
who wouldn't be happy looking at a view like this?


and here is my favorite find in portland (that i could afford,) a teddy bear hand-crafted in vietnam. i had to have it for little c's room!

portland purchases

decorations from chinatown for sweet m.'s room. (the first one is the under side of a chinese parasol.

i'm having problems loading more images to blogger...SO more tomorrow! (again!)

brave girl

sweet m. had to have FIVE shots today. i had to hold her still while they gave them to her, and she did really well even though her arms got so sore. the coolest part was five different bandaids.

in the garden...

i fell in love with the chinese classical gardens. they were so peaceful, so well-manicured, so green. i took my camera out and didn't put it away the whole time we were in there. everything i looked at seemed like a picture, and there i was clicking away. i don't think any of the pictures i took really reflect the beauty of the shaded sunlight and moon gates of the gardens, so i guess you'll have to go and see for yourself! until then, here are some images:

some reasons i love portland

inside cargo, a store full of all things asian: paper lanterns, silk robes, fun toys, amazing furniture, and all kinds of wonderments!

sitting at our table in old town pizza, a fun part of old portland that's supposedly haunted!

our order number at old town pizza.

a street lantern in chinatown. beautiful!
i'll admit it: i'm a wanna-be portlander. even before we visited i was thinking it was pretty much the hub of cool. and when i found out the shins and the decemberists were based there, and all kinds of artists i admire are from there (or just moved there like ashley g and the black apple's emily,) this just confirmed my original theory.
so usually when i get my hopes all up i am severely disappointed. but NOT THIS TIME! they may have even been exceeded! portland is fun and hip without being too intimidating or inaccessible. i liked seeing so many families (even though it made me miss my kiddies.) i liked seeing all different kinds of people and that everyone we talked to was so friendly. i loved the weather, it was so mild there. i loved the shopping (more about our purchases later.)
in short, by the end of our three days, i was talking about a possible move in our future, and hubby, much to my surprise, was agreeing!

tomorrow i'll post about the classical chinese gardens and the cute shops we visited! (with some great pics, too!)

portland, i'm yours.

just some images. tomorrow, lots more pictures and tons of gushing about how i love portland, want to live there, want to marry it...ok, i get it...a little too far.
see you tomorrow!

coming soon...

pictures from our portland trip!

road trip!!!!!!

Portland Lights in the Willamette, originally uploaded by Gigapic.

in a few days the hubs and i will be going on a road trip to a place i've long wanted to visit,
PORTLAND OREGON!
sans children!
hooray!
hooray for portland! hooray for grandparents who are looking after kiddies! hooray for road trips!
p.s. if any of you know any good tips for things to do in portland, let me know!

this little guy

this little guy's snuggles and loves get me through some rough times.